


I'm Ready

by icedcoffeebro



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Olivia is allowed to vent, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 02:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebro/pseuds/icedcoffeebro
Summary: It's Mike's death anniversary.





	I'm Ready

**Author's Note:**

> We deserve more Doddson damn it.

April 26

This date used to mean nothing to Olivia. 

Until it did. 

In a short period of time, she had come to love Mike, consider him part of the family. 

And now he had been dead for exactly one year. And it still felt like it was her fault. 

So, throwing aside any and all logical thoughts, she walked in to Forlini’s to drown her sorrows for a bit. 

She sat on a bar stool, next to Rafael’s usual spot, and asked for a martini. 

As she thought about the events that led to last year’s tragedy, she spotted him. 

William Dodds. 

From what she could see, he was binge drinking shot after shot. She took her purse to sit next to him. 

“Dodds,” she said, remembering his sobs as he told her his son was basically a corpse with a pulse. 

He didn’t turn to see her, but his expression showed he had heard her. 

“Dodds,” she repeated. 

“Benson,” he said. Finishing another tequila shot. 

“Can I sit?” she asked. 

He shrugged, still uninterested on her. 

She sat, the bartender brought her her drink, and she started sipping it carefully. 

“You look miserable,” she said. Going for the obvious. 

“Yeah, well,” he signaled for another shot, “losing your kid will do that for you,”

She stayed silent for a moment, knowing she has some blame on Mike being dead. 

“Have I ever told you about my first adopted kid?” she asked. 

“Yes, Olivia, you’ve told me about Noah,” he said annoyed, “You know, it might be considered lack of empathy to flaunt about your very much alive infant to a grieving father,”

“No,” she says firmly, “before Noah,”

This gets the Chief’s attention, and he turns to look at her. 

“A cocaine addict — Gladys Dalton, she had a premature daughter. I was appointed as her legal guardian to approve a surgery... she didn’t make it” she took a deep breath, William had an unreadable look on his face, “It was the first time... the first time I considered motherhood for myself. In the short amount of time between the impromptu adoption and the girl dying... God, I was thinking of baby names, of how I’d decorate her room...” her eyes started watering, William offered her a napkin, “Sorry,”

“You didn’t even get to know her...” he said, his eyes focused on the next tequila shot. 

“That’s the worst part, I never got to know if I could’ve been a mother to her,” she cleaned her tears. 

“I’m sorry, Liv,” he said, he pushed the shot away, “You know what I said when Mike told me he was dropping out to enlist?” 

She tilted her head, “What?”

“I always say my first instinct was being proud of him... but that’s a lie,” he eyed his shot drink again, “I told him ‘you’re going to get yourself killed’ and he was shocked, I had just made sargeant back then, and it wasn’t part of the plan for Mike not to be an engineer, I eventually made peace with it and was proud of his decision,” he dry laughed, no humor in it, “but he was a kid, going to fight a war none of us really understood,” 

Liv put her hand on his arm and gently rubbed. 

“Making peace with the possibility of your kid dying is... quiet difficult.” he bit his lower lip, “And when he came back, I promised I would never need to do that again, specially when he came back screaming in his sleep, and tried to get a job outside of the force,”

Liv didn’t know this, by the way William spoke of Mike, he had always been a service man. 

“But nobody understood him, nobody could get what he had been through, so he joined the force again, this time stationed in Iraq,” he sobbed, “I was terrified, but I kept it inside— I had no one to tell, and I couldn’t let anyone know how terrified I was of losing my son,”

“I’m sure other parents of military men would’ve heard you, William,” Olivia offered. 

“Maybe they would have,” he admitted, “but being a man in the force and showing fear don’t exactly bond well together,” 

Olivia nodded, thinking back to all those times when her partners covered their absolute fear with a tough face. 

“When he was brain dead… God, Liv… it broke something in me,”

“He’s not my son,” Liv sighed, “but I felt that, too,”

William stared at her, then pursed his lips, “I’m sorry I blamed you,” he signaled for the bartender to close his tab, “It was just… easy,”

Olivia’s heart shrank, “I get it,” William paid for all his shots, plus her drink, and headed out, Liv left a 20 dollar bill as a tip as she followed him.

“You know,” she said as she fell into the same rhythm as his walking, “you might be the only man, other than my therapist, that allows me to open up,”

“We all need to unload sometimes,” he said, “don’t I know that,”

He offered his arm for Liv to grab, she wrapped her own around it. 

“Where are you headed?” he asked, looking out for a cab.

“Upper West Side,” Liv said, “you’re welcome to stay, if it’s too lonely back home,”

William stared at her, clearly dizzy from all that tequila, “I’d hate to intrude…”

“William,” Olivia said, “you cried in my arms while your son died, we’re way past that,”

William nodded, “I won’t cause any trouble, I swear,” he bit his lower lip, fighting back tears, “I... don’t trust myself”

“First anniversary,” Olivia shrugged, “it happens, you can sleep next to me,”

Even on his near drunken state, William looked taken aback by this, “Really? Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“We all need someone William,” Olivia said, “and I can’t sleep alone tonight, either,”

“I could use a hug,” William concurred. 

“Let’s do it then,” Olivia smiled. 

That night, they both sleep better than they had the entire year since Mike’s death.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefulness!
> 
> Twitter: @rafaelbarbae
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated!


End file.
